Wrongs Will Be Righted
by Cheeky Slytherin Lass
Summary: Sirius knows he messed up when he tried to send Severus to the Shrieking Shack that night. Now if only he could apologize to Remus.:: for Gabby


_For Gabby, via the summer funfair_

 _Also for Charms, task 5: Write about someone feeling small_

 _Frankenstein Friday: Write about someone who feels like a monster_

 _Autumn: rainy_

 _Colors: dark purple_

 _Flowers, witch hazel: soothe_

 _Elemental, Gemini: Wolfstar_

 _Dessert, chocolate: Remus Lupin_

 _Word Count: 1101_

* * *

Sirius isn't used to seeing James like this. His best friend is supposed to be fun and carefree, always ready to laugh and crack a joke. Not… this.

The mischief is gone from James' hazel eyes. He wrings his hands together, and Sirius has a sneaking suspicion that James would much rather wring Sirius' neck. "What the _hell_ were you thinking?" he demands.

This isn't the first time he's heard that question, though James is definitely more blunt than Dumbledore and McGonagall had been. Sirius shifts his weight nervously from foot to foot, suddenly feeling so bloody small. He can handle the adults questioning him and telling him how irresponsible he is; by now, he is more than a little used to that. Hearing his best friend in the whole world talk to him like this, however, makes him feel like a child again.

Sirius blinks rapidly. He will not cry. It doesn't matter how he feels, his pride will not let him bend now. "It was…" He clears his throat, pushing his hand through his messy hair. "It was just a joke, mate. Just…"

The words sound so feeble as they leave his lips. _Just a joke._ It isn't so funny anymore, and all Sirius can do is stare at his feet and smooth his hands awkwardly over his wrinkled shirt.

He hates feeling like this. Sirius has always prided himself on being so brave and bold, and this is so foreign to him. He seems to wither and shrink, though he knows his body hasn't changed at all. It's just a feeling, just something inside him. Still, he fucking hates it.

"Your boyfriend could have _murdered_ someone last night, Sirius! I hate Snivellus as much as the next bloke, but…" James paces, long legs making quick work of striding across the dormitory again and again. "Did you even _think_ about what this could do to _Remus_?"

Sirius bites the inside of his cheek until he tastes the faint, metallic taste of blood on his tongue. "No." He wishes he could sound stronger, but the single syllable is barely above a whisper.

"I think you should go talk to him," James says curtly before stalking off.

Left alone, Sirius finally breaks. Tears fall from his eyes, and he doesn't bother to wipe them away. It's all his fault. It doesn't matter that he had meant for it to be a silly joke; he has messed things up so badly, and he doesn't know how to fix them.

James is right. Sirius needs to go to the hospital wing and sit with Remus, but he's too ashamed. His swagger and confidence are gone, and he is so small, so insignificant, so pathetic.

Still, he knows he can't put it off much longer. If he doesn't attempt to say something, things will only get worse. Sniffling, he wipes his eyes and holds his head up high. "Now or never," he mutters to himself, and he wishes it could be never.

…

Remus has a bed by the window. When Sirius finds him, his eyes are fixed upon the glass, watching the rainy day.

"Moony?" Sirius calls softly.

Remus turns to look at him, and Sirius winces. It's always hard to see Remus after a full moon, even without the added burden of guilt. His skin is pale and beaded with sweat, and dark purple shadows have formed under his eyes. His thin lips twitch, but he doesn't offer Sirius his usual smile. "Sirius," he says with a nod.

For a moment, Sirius forgets how to breathe. The tension between them is suffocating. "I…"

But he doesn't know what to say. Before coming here, Sirius had rehearsed and plotted. He had been so sure he'd found the right words to say, and his confidence had returned. Now, however, Remus looks at him like he is nothing, and Sirius feels so small again.

"Do you know what it's like to feel like a monster every second of every day, Sirius?" Remus asks.

"No."

It isn't fair. Why can't they just put this behind them and call it a day? Sirius knows he's messed up; he just wants to move on so that he can rub Remus' shoulders and feed him chocolate.

"It isn't easy. As soon as people get suspicious…" Remus turns his attention back to the window. His slender fingers restlessly tap against his knee. "Werewolves are dangerous."

"You're not."

Remus laughs, the sound dry and bitter. "Are you sure about that?" he counters. "Because if I wasn't, you wouldn't have sent Severus to the shack."

Sirius opens his mouth to reply, but he realizes there's nothing he can say to defend himself. It isn't just that he had could have turned Remus into a killer; he's made Remus believe Sirius sees him as little more than a monster.

"Moony…"

He moves closer, though he keeps a safe distance. All Sirius wants is to hold Remus and soothe him, but he knows it will only make things worse. For several moments, all Sirius can do is just stare at his boyfriend, completely miserable and helpless. A million thoughts pass through his mind, but nothing seems to stick.

"I messed up." He pushes a hand through his hair, ruffling the dark strands as he sighs. "I know I did. It's a new level of stupid, honestly."

Remus chuckles, but there's no humor in the sound, and Sirius finds no comfort in it. "At least you know," he says dryly, still refusing to look at Sirius.

"I'm sorry. I know it doesn't mean anything, but I really am, Moony. You know I love you and don't think you're a monster."

But it doesn't matter, he realizes. Whatever he believes and says, he's shown Remus something else entirely. His cheeks burn, and guilt twists his insides into knots.

"I'm sorry I tried to use your condition to hurt someone," Sirius says. "I was selfish, and I didn't stop to consider how this might hurt you. I don't…" He exhales deeply, shaking his head. "I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I'm asking for it anyway."

Remus finally looks at him again, amber eyes narrowing slightly as he studies Sirius. "Bring me some chocolate," he says with a shrug, his lips twitching into a faint smile. "Then we'll talk about it."

It isn't the best resolution. Sirius wants to hold him and know that everything is okay again in this moment. Still, this about Remus, not him. Sirius is done being selfish; it's time to make things right.

With a smile, he leaves Remus to search for chocolate.


End file.
